Kafeel, Sabeel seen as jokers than terrorists in UK...
These were very amateurish attacks. People did not plan it very well, the device was unstable, drivers according to eye witnesses erratic in their behavior. It was very, very strange. It seems to suggest that these were apparently were just self-starters, inspired by what they saw on TV..
This is what is Moron Terror.
If you ask Bangalore metropolitan palike (BMP) to solve a problem, you know what they do? They just eradicate the problem. Its easy.
1. How to solve the late night burglaries, rapes, assaults in bangalore?
BMP: Simple, ask people to go home early and stay there.
Result: All shops, Restaurants, Bars, coffee shops, literally everything goes offline at 11.30 pm in bangalore. Already its a lazy town, which wakes up very late as compared to mumbai or chennai.
2. How to solve harassment against women in late nights?
BMP: Do not allow them to work in the night.
Result: Women are not allowed to wok in Night. As a result, chances are narrow for the BPO's to hire women. One good thing is newspapers wont come up with headlines saying "Condoms found in one of the leading BPO in town". I dont know if they will still come with such headlines and give a different story for it.
Yet another one from our fellow citizen's thought process..
3. How to bring in discipline into students who are influenced by violence and vulgarity on TV and other media?
A mumbai based school: Issue a notice, asking girls and boys studying there not to touch or hug members of the opposite sex. (http://www.ibnlive.com/news/girls-boys-keep-distance-schools/42888-3.html)
I am writing this post, on effect of one of the news channel, which was discussing about the bangalore 11.30 deadline. These guys went to various pubs in the city and asked opinion from the pubbers there. There was a hot debate on whether we should allow it to function till 1 am or close it 11.30 itself. These guys were just talking about the pub business. Ediots they are. Let the pubs close down at 11.30, if the real issue is caused by drunkards (and driving thereafter) and let the restaurants, coffee shops stay. Just imagine a guy like me who wants to have some food, after a full blown working day and leave at 12 midnight. I wont even get a tea in this place. The news channel was analysing the situation as if only the drunkards get affected coz of the 11:30 closure.
And now bangalore govenment is thinking of banning the Race course. Not that I am into this thing, but why would these guys think like these. They have already banned dance bars, dance floors etc,. At the end of the day what would one do, if they want to do some leisure in bangalore. The only thing which is left is, these shopping malls and multiplexes.
These guys have forgot the goal of very existence of life. To live happily. Agreed, there needs to be certain rules followed for the welfare of all. But not at this cost !!
Future looks bright though!!!
4. How to solve trafic congestion?
Ban cars, bikes, bus and every form of transport, the BMP way.
One fine day, I got a call from some gal named Miss P. I asked her how she knows me. She told me by calling and talking. What NON-SENSE? I thought some friend of mine is playing a prank and I continued the conversation just with a couple of "yeah", "oh ya", "oops", "cho chweeeet" (gals like this much better) stuff. And she had hang up after a min or two.
I was waiting for the Bakra - Cyrus to come out and say "yeaah... we made a Bakra". I was really surprised when that gal called up again some day later. And ya she is real and she studies 12th class. And when I asked how she get to dial my number, she told me her friend's number is just one more than my number. She calls me from some PCO once in a while, talk some rubbish and hang up after a min or two. Then she started calling me from her family's mobile (used by all of them) and that is when I realised this is going worse.
A software engineer will talk to any one (atleast I will) to have some social life. I really dont mind talking to any one as long as he/she has something interesting to talk. All she talks is abt her friend, dat friend's bf, that bf's crush and so on. I wish I studied in b'lore. I dont know wht to have a bf/gf when I was in 12th. Poor tamizh fellows. It luked so immature to me. I am not making fun of her, since that is what is life is like for them at that age. But I cant relate to any of those shit.
But over a period of time, I have started getting Missed calls from her then. I really hate intended missed calls. My definition of a intended Missed call : "Hey loser, Its just that you are not worth my penny, so why dont you call me back, if you would like to talk." I thot its high time I stop talking with this gal. One fine day I used the technique (so many) women taught me. Just vanish and dont reply any calls or messages.
And that is when I found out I just met the Most Insecure women of this world. She just made that sunday of mine - a Missed Call day. She kept calling me the entire day trying to figure out why I am not responding. Not to mention the 100+ msgs I got that day. I told her that this cannot continue anymore and I am moving to the US. Then she started negotiating. She attacked me with friendship. And then she made me her brother (It doesnt make sense to me at all why she did all these). She pleaded to talk with her atleast once a week, then once a month and then finally she asked me to call atleast before I go to the US once.
I still dont understand what she wants. She hardly knows anything abt me. I was a little happy (not a sadist though) after all I made one women (OOPS kid) GOD DDAMN INSECURE in my life. Let her soul rest in peace.
Happiness lies within one self. Dont search it outside.
A cowboy was herding his herd in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"
The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure. Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany< SPAN style=" ".
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry, and after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a consultant." says the cowboy.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required," answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew; to a question I never asked; and you don't know anything about my business. Now give me back my DOG."
This sardarji goes to see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching, he was hiding under his seat when his friend asks him ;kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai.; Sardarji replies ;Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai, lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata
There's a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy street. All the sardars in the 'mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing and general 'balle balle' is on. The people on the street find it strange that instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its marriage baraat. So one of them asks Santa Singh, ;Singh Saab, aapka koi sage wala gujar gaya hai aur aap naach rahe ho?; .....comes the reply, ;Haan ji! Hai hi baat badi kushi ki!!! Aaj paheli baar ek sardar brain tumour se mara hai!!
A train suddenly deviated from the tracks and ran onto the nearby fields before returning on the tracks again. The passengers were horrified at this. At the
next railway station, the driver was caught and questioned. He was a sardar and explained that a man was standing on the tracks and he refused to budge.
The authorities asked him, "Sardarji, are you mad? Just to save one person, you put so many lives in danger. You should have overrun that person." The
sardar replied: "Exactly, that is what I was doing, but this idiot started running towards the field when the train came very close."
Santa with two red ears went to see his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears. "I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang. Instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But...what happened to your other ear?"
"The scoundrel called again."
Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to spend sleepless nights. Sardarji was also experiencing the same every time. he tries to sleep,one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn." He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not for the blood shed but still wanted to take revenge. Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja". After some time he finds the mosquito falling into deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says "Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."
A Bihari was waiting for his bus at the bus stop. Finally the bus arrives and he gets in. The bus is fully loaded with sardarjis. One sardarji orders Bihari to tell a joke. Now, the Bihari thinks he's in big trouble because he knows only sardar jokes! After thinking for some time he decides to substitute all references to 'sardars' in his joke with 'Biharis'. He starts the jokes with, "There was once a Bihari..." And suddenly he gets a major blow on his back from one of the sardarjis who shouts, "Kyon be! Sab sardar mar gaye hai kya?"
This guy walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building. He sits down, orders a huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out. Five minutes later, the guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out again. Five minutes later, he re-appears and repeats the whole thing. About half an hour later, another guy at the bar stops the first guy and says, "hey, how the heck are you doing that?!" The first guy responds, "oh, it's really simple physics. When you chug the beer, it makes you all warm inside and since warm air rises, if you just hold your breath you become lighter than air and float down to the sidewalk." "WOW!" exclaims the second man, "I gotta try that!" So he orders a huge beer, chugs it, goes over to the window, jumps out, and splats on the sidewalk below. The bartender looks over to the first man and says, "Superman, you're an asshole when you're drunk.
After being in b'lore for some 2 years now, my hindi has really picked up well I would say. It became quite evident from my recent visits to Mumbai and Delhi. Thanx to predictable-hindi-movies, now I can understand hindi to some extent but my speaking skills is equivalent to anna kournikov's tennis skills. :-)
When I am with my tamil friends, I crack jokes most of the time related to my hindi skills. And I picture myself as more of a north indian who is trying to forget tamizh language. No offense meant to anyone. Just for fun. And we friends were going to this movie called "Vettaiyadu - Villaiyadu" (hunt and play to translate it literally) some months back. And just when we were about to enter the hall I had asked these guys "Will they be putting HINDI subtitle for this (tamizh) movie?". They all gave me a ugly stare but all of them burst into laughter soon. LOL
I felt very lonely in MUmbai. Its very much of an unknown territory and with my hindi skills, I can hardly go anywhere. So I will have to wait every evening till my colleague finishes his work and comes back to the hotel with me. I really need to mention this security guard out there in my client office. This guy was the only one available for me to talk that time. We really had some nice talks. Poor me. Life can sometimes push people to edges. Couple of more days in that place, could have even turned me into a gay. LOL.
I met this taxi driver in Delhi. This guy runs a Pre-paid taxi in Delhi and is supposed to drive me from the airport to Connaught place where my hotel is. I told him the hotel name clearly and then slowly he started a conversation like this...
Driver: saab, hotel room booked hai kya?
Me: haaan, I did.
Driver: ohhh.. mujhe ek acha hotel maalum hai.. chaihiye hai kya?
Me: No man. I have already booked. mujhe boook kiya.. ho gaya.. (a little more consicious being in a unknown territory at 1am in nite) ho gaya..
Driver: teek hai..
(his soul rests in peace for some time and then he starts again)
Driver: yeh hotel aapne book kiya na.. woh karab haai.. mujhe acha hotel malum hain.. tho aap ne...
Me: bhai saab, understand... aapko english nahi aati hai.. Mujhe hindi nahi aati hai... I have already booked a hotel. woh
Driver: some thing again in hindi..
I never replied now. After some time he started again.. and we talked like this till I reached my hotel.
Driver: some thing in hindi..
Me: Wasnt this himesh luk great with his cap?
Driver: hindi again..
Me: ya I wonder why he wears that cap though?... Is he bald?
.......
and so on
I was going around in Delhi with this gal. This kanjus gal can actually give a missed call to the fire department, when her house is in fire. And every time we get an auto, she will try to bargain for less. And once this auto wala asked for
'pachchees' and I was like "ok dude. 50 is fine." It was so embarassing when I later knew that he asked for only 25. Bloody why do they pronounce 25 and 50 almost the same way.
With that said, my hindi will continue to rock more soon....
This post is about 'THE GAL' AND 'MY DELHI VISIT'. Ok ok. I accept. Both are same. I knew her for some time now and thought of giving her a surprise visit on that weekend. 
I went to Delhi on Saturday morning. Delhi as such looks like a clean place. She picked me up from the hotel Saturday and we went around Delhi gateway, Connaught place before ending with our "Munnabhai and all Bapu theory".
My god this gal I went with, is as confused as a 'Sachin Tendulkar' in a tennis court or as a JAVA programmer writing a COBOOL program. She took me exactly in the opposite direction of her home. I thought I am the most confused individual in the whole world. I can say a 'NO' if some one asked me whether I am confused. I am that confused. It’s kind of funny no body knows the way to the “Delhi Metro”. Every where there were sign boards saying “METRO”. But I wasn’t able to see even the tracks leave alone the train. Delhi walon, is there really something called METRO running in your place? 
I think moral policing is very much required now, at least in that specific park I went in Delhi. Why can’t these couples have some kind of sympathy towards poor-single-stag-not-committed-fellows like me? Damn. I really thought of sponsoring a board for that garden which says "SINGLES PRONE TO HEART ATTACK NOT ALLOWED" for the kind of scenes I saw in there. This must be the garden where people come to do all that coochy-coochy stuff. 
Most of them have become girl friends and boy friends without even knowing what to do after becoming one. PUN NOT INTENDED. (Dialogue Courtesy: The gal)
Not even a street dog will look at me if I go alone. The moment I am with a gal (ya pretty gal) every body looks at me. Not that they are all interested in me. Most of the guys wish we are just brothers and sisters (like I do whenever I see some pretty gal and a guy). Some of them think what has this guy got which I lack. Gals - I don’t know what they think. Most of them are too complex. I read this sometime back. There was a saint who did a lot of puja for god to appear and ask him some wish. The god did appear and asked him what he had wanted. He said I would like to have a bridge between the city of London and New York. God terrified hearing his wish said "Son, do you know how much of an effort, materials and money that would involve. I think it’s a little too much even for me. Can you ask something else?". The poor saint said "Ok. Then give me the ability to understand women". God thought for a while and asked the saint "Is it a four lane or a eight lane the bridge you had wanted." LOL
I know Delhi people are rude but I didn’t know that they can be this bad. I had asked a guy to take a pic of us. And I couldn’t believe that he told me a NO. I don’t know why people can’t do a simple click. It was so embarrassing for me when he told a NO. But still I think I got used to 'NO' in my life. The list of people who said/say/will-say a NO to me are endless:
Mumbai taxi wallas
My colleague whenever I ask him "cud we/(mostly I) leave for the day?"
When I ask my boss for a vacation
and ya almost all gals in my life. :-)
I was literally singing "Ek baar aaja aaja" there before I got someone to click for me. Finally we just had some nice conversation (LOL) b4 I started back to MUMBAI.
CODEWORD: "I".
P.S: This post is dedicated to HER.
This guy surely deserves the award. LOL
