Consultants

A cowboy was herding his herd in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"

The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure. Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany< SPAN style=" ".

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry, and after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a consultant." says the cowboy.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required," answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew; to a question I never asked; and you don't know anything about my business. Now give me back my DOG."

Some time pass jokes.

This sardarji goes to see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching, he was hiding under his seat when his friend asks him ;kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai.; Sardarji replies ;Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai, lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata

There's a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy street. All the sardars in the 'mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing and general 'balle balle' is on. The people on the street find it strange that instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its marriage baraat. So one of them asks Santa Singh, ;Singh Saab, aapka koi sage wala gujar gaya hai aur aap naach rahe ho?; .....comes the reply, ;Haan ji! Hai hi baat badi kushi ki!!! Aaj paheli baar ek sardar brain tumour se mara hai!!

A train suddenly deviated from the tracks and ran onto the nearby fields before returning on the tracks again. The passengers were horrified at this. At the
next railway station, the driver was caught and questioned. He was a sardar and explained that a man was standing on the tracks and he refused to budge.
The authorities asked him, "Sardarji, are you mad? Just to save one person, you put so many lives in danger. You should have overrun that person." The
sardar replied: "Exactly, that is what I was doing, but this idiot started running towards the field when the train came very close."

Santa with two red ears went to see his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears. "I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang. Instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But...what happened to your other ear?"
"The scoundrel called again."

Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to spend sleepless nights. Sardarji was also experiencing the same every time. he tries to sleep,one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn." He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not for the blood shed but still wanted to take revenge. Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja". After some time he finds the mosquito falling into deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says "Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."

A Bihari was waiting for his bus at the bus stop. Finally the bus arrives and he gets in. The bus is fully loaded with sardarjis. One sardarji orders Bihari to tell a joke. Now, the Bihari thinks he's in big trouble because he knows only sardar jokes! After thinking for some time he decides to substitute all references to 'sardars' in his joke with 'Biharis'. He starts the jokes with, "There was once a Bihari..." And suddenly he gets a major blow on his back from one of the sardarjis who shouts, "Kyon be! Sab sardar mar gaye hai kya?"

Another post on forgiving!!!

Forgiving or punishing the terrorists is left to God.
But, fixing their appointment with God is our responsibility
- Indian Army

Forgiving or punishing the Developer is left to Manager.
But, fixing their appointment with Manager is our responsibility
- Software Tester

This one is damn good..

Forgiving or punishing the Manager is left to Client.
But, fixing their appointment with Client is our responsibility
- Software Developer

Forgive them

The compiler throwed errors when I tried compiling the code.
I forgive the Assembly compiler.

The tea boy spilled coffee in my desk.
I forgive the tea boy.

Internet explorer said it had encountered an error and need to close.
I forgive MICROSOFT.

There is no cafe in my office.
I forgive my Boss.

There is no power.
I forgive BESCOM.



Now that I ride my PULSAR, I forgive them all. I feel like god !!!

(Inspired from BAJAJ AVENGER Ad)

Quite funny...

This guy walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building. He sits down, orders a huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out. Five minutes later, the guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out again. Five minutes later, he re-appears and repeats the whole thing. About half an hour later, another guy at the bar stops the first guy and says, "hey, how the heck are you doing that?!" The first guy responds, "oh, it's really simple physics. When you chug the beer, it makes you all warm inside and since warm air rises, if you just hold your breath you become lighter than air and float down to the sidewalk." "WOW!" exclaims the second man, "I gotta try that!" So he orders a huge beer, chugs it, goes over to the window, jumps out, and splats on the sidewalk below. The bartender looks over to the first man and says, "Superman, you're an asshole when you're drunk.

I have a long way to go now !!!

Woh Lamhe...

This post is all about my nostalgia. The things I would always remember in my life.

Days of mine, when I used to stay all alone in the house and would have to make my own coffee at the age of 10.

Days of mine, when I will be so sad that diwali is over, all crackers are done and I wud have to get back to skool the next day.

Days of mine, when I would prefer watch black & white TV at the neighbourhood house rather than watching a color TV at my house. This neighbour of mine needs a special mention here without whom I dont know how I would have managed myself at that age. I think I spent more time in their place than my home itself.

Days of mine, when I take commission for buying small household stuff and spend all those money for renting out bi-cycles.

Days of mine, When I spend all my vacation in paramakudi with my cousins and I miss my aunt so much when I go back to chennai.

Days of mine when I play the game of trade the entire day with my neighbourhood kids. Trust me. I was mad at this game and would even bunk school to play this game all alone. I play both the bank and the opponent. And Most of the time the bank would lend money from me at last. Heee heeee

The day I lost my maths note book and was crying in the school premises and there was this maths teacher who treated me like her son and helped me with the subject in the entire year.

Days of mine when I play cricket all the afternoons with my school friends. We broke so many car glasses and nearby house windows.

Days of mine, when I used to play video games munching out the sweets, my mom do.

The day when I got my 10th results and have come school first in maths. Quite a achievement dude. I dont know whether its really me then. I have changed so much now.

Days of mine I used to roam around with this guy all throughout chennai in his kinetic bike. Bloody I cudnt believe he avoided (I wud even say ditched) me for a gal. Ya. Fine. After all needs change with time. God bless you dude.

Days of mine when I was preparing for the engineering entrance examination and had my official first crush on this gal in dat class. It really was a gud feeling, even though it luks so unmatured at present. But ya thats wat is life. Past always looks immature.

The day, the results of the engineering entrance examination came and I was the second topper in the school.

The IIIT, Bangalore days of mine where we did our internship and bloody I will never forget this co-intern Mr. V who gave us a hectic time with his much of J2EE knowledge.

The college days of mine especially the final year, where I think I had less things to think about than now.

The TCS training days of mine. I dont know what I like in here. I liked that place so much, that I actually went to trivandrum some time back, just to see the place.

The initial bangalore days of mine, when we 7 friends were sharing a single flat. Damn, dat was so much of fun.

The days of mine, when I bunk office hours to meet my ex-gal friend and the hours of mine when I wud rush home, just to talk with her on fone.

The day when a gal from orkut said that "I am interesting". Trust me I really got a heart attack that day. LOL

and obviously Today, when I write this post and just run through my entire life for the last 20 odd years.

Afterall, My Life was fair. What do u think?