Instances when I felt bad about being a male

Disclaimer: This post has some elusive women behaviour content and would request kids and 'WOMEN-IN-MY-LIFE' refrain from reading more of this post.

I had to convey two messages to you fellow females. And I request all ladies who read this post to pass on the message to their fellow females.
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I think I see more movies, when compared to a normal Indian. A normal Indian sees most of the movies and I see all of them. I hit upon some multiplex in b'lore and some times I end up sitting next to women (not so pretty kind as per the law of Encounters). According to this law the probability of sitting next to a pretty gal increases only when you yourself have come with a gal to the movie. I never have to tell you what will a (any) women, who has to sit next to me in a theatre, will do now. She will just exchange the seat with the guy she has come with. Women are smart. They always have some one to get it exchanged. I couldnt believe even some female kids did that (huh.. have they read my previous post?). Not to mention the grand ma's. And everytime I see this, I feel like getting a slap from that women just becoz I was born as a male. 99% of women think any other men not in the set { PAPA, BHAIYA, PATHI, BETA and so on..} are just plain human species, who try to spend 100 odd bucks to use a possible chance to accomplish their desires. No, ladies you are wrong.

Point to be noted:
There are certain males, who come to a theatre hall just to see the movie. (Not even to look at what the corner seat couples are doing. Btw any of you can tell me, what do they do?)

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Our college allows only cycles inside the campus. Just imagine a situation when I am on my cycle and another women comes from the opposite side with a low neck or 'WHATEVER'. READERS, WHAT WILL SHE DO NOW?.. YEAH YOU ARE RITE. Adjust her shawl so that things dont show up. Fellow females, plz understand that only when you do adjust like that, a guy's eye would go there even though he may not have any intentions in peeking before. Not all men think women as a living organism with a set of B's. But every time I experienced this, I felt bad about being a MALE.

Point to be noted:
There are certain male species, who just cannot STARE at women.

Btw I had just found that I risk a high degree of heart problems from this site
http://independentsources.com/2006/05/30/staring-at-breasts/

Kids like ME so much

One fine day, I got a call from some gal named Miss P. I asked her how she knows me. She told me by calling and talking. What NON-SENSE? I thought some friend of mine is playing a prank and I continued the conversation just with a couple of "yeah", "oh ya", "oops", "cho chweeeet" (gals like this much better) stuff. And she had hang up after a min or two.

I was waiting for the Bakra - Cyrus to come out and say "yeaah... we made a Bakra". I was really surprised when that gal called up again some day later. And ya she is real and she studies 12th class. And when I asked how she get to dial my number, she told me her friend's number is just one more than my number. She calls me from some PCO once in a while, talk some rubbish and hang up after a min or two. Then she started calling me from her family's mobile (used by all of them) and that is when I realised this is going worse.

A software engineer will talk to any one (atleast I will) to have some social life. I really dont mind talking to any one as long as he/she has something interesting to talk. All she talks is abt her friend, dat friend's bf, that bf's crush and so on. I wish I studied in b'lore. I dont know wht to have a bf/gf when I was in 12th. Poor tamizh fellows. It luked so immature to me. I am not making fun of her, since that is what is life is like for them at that age. But I cant relate to any of those shit.

But over a period of time, I have started getting Missed calls from her then. I really hate intended missed calls. My definition of a intended Missed call : "Hey loser, Its just that you are not worth my penny, so why dont you call me back, if you would like to talk." I thot its high time I stop talking with this gal. One fine day I used the technique (so many) women taught me. Just vanish and dont reply any calls or messages.

And that is when I found out I just met the Most Insecure women of this world. She just made that sunday of mine - a Missed Call day. She kept calling me the entire day trying to figure out why I am not responding. Not to mention the 100+ msgs I got that day. I told her that this cannot continue anymore and I am moving to the US. Then she started negotiating. She attacked me with friendship. And then she made me her brother (It doesnt make sense to me at all why she did all these). She pleaded to talk with her atleast once a week, then once a month and then finally she asked me to call atleast before I go to the US once.

I still dont understand what she wants. She hardly knows anything abt me. I was a little happy (not a sadist though) after all I made one women (OOPS kid) GOD DDAMN INSECURE in my life. Let her soul rest in peace.

Happiness lies within one self. Dont search it outside.

Radio / Mp3 player

I have a mp3 player with a decent capacity and I have got all my favorite songs in that. But still I think I like listening to the radio much more. I had always wondered why. If I can always listen to whatever song I like, using my mp3 player then why do I like this radio thing more. I think this is what is the reason : CHOICE.

yeah.. This is yet another proof for my previous post "The problem is choice.". When I listen to my radio, I just listen and it plays gud music most of the time. I dont have the choice to change. It will just play on and I can concentrate on my work.

B'lore say cheeZe...

Finally I have made up my mind, to buy a Digi-cam this week. Now I am a proud owner of a OLYMPUS 6 MEGA PIXEL DIGITAL CAM, though I dont feel much excited about it. I just took 1-2 pics and had put it up inside the cupboard. When some thing comes into my life a little late, probably I just think as just as a utility rather than being all excited about it. I dont know whether its natural for any homo sapien though. Couple of years back if I had gotten the same camera, I think the election commission would have asked for my help for their voter-id pics, for the number of pics I would have taken the entire bangalore population. Anyways a typical middle class mind of mine, is never allowing me to buy things without enuf thinking. And by the time I make up my mind, I lose all the excitement.

Added to that I bought this "Pyaar ke side effects" VCD. This movie is too hilarious. And I am really waiting for this "Bas ek pal" movie to arrive at the stores. Cant wait to see that video of "Tere Bin".

Consultants

A cowboy was herding his herd in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"

The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure. Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany< SPAN style=" ".

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry, and after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a consultant." says the cowboy.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required," answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew; to a question I never asked; and you don't know anything about my business. Now give me back my DOG."

Some time pass jokes.

This sardarji goes to see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching, he was hiding under his seat when his friend asks him ;kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai.; Sardarji replies ;Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai, lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata

There's a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy street. All the sardars in the 'mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing and general 'balle balle' is on. The people on the street find it strange that instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its marriage baraat. So one of them asks Santa Singh, ;Singh Saab, aapka koi sage wala gujar gaya hai aur aap naach rahe ho?; .....comes the reply, ;Haan ji! Hai hi baat badi kushi ki!!! Aaj paheli baar ek sardar brain tumour se mara hai!!

A train suddenly deviated from the tracks and ran onto the nearby fields before returning on the tracks again. The passengers were horrified at this. At the
next railway station, the driver was caught and questioned. He was a sardar and explained that a man was standing on the tracks and he refused to budge.
The authorities asked him, "Sardarji, are you mad? Just to save one person, you put so many lives in danger. You should have overrun that person." The
sardar replied: "Exactly, that is what I was doing, but this idiot started running towards the field when the train came very close."

Santa with two red ears went to see his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears. "I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang. Instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But...what happened to your other ear?"
"The scoundrel called again."

Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to spend sleepless nights. Sardarji was also experiencing the same every time. he tries to sleep,one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn." He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not for the blood shed but still wanted to take revenge. Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja". After some time he finds the mosquito falling into deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says "Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."

A Bihari was waiting for his bus at the bus stop. Finally the bus arrives and he gets in. The bus is fully loaded with sardarjis. One sardarji orders Bihari to tell a joke. Now, the Bihari thinks he's in big trouble because he knows only sardar jokes! After thinking for some time he decides to substitute all references to 'sardars' in his joke with 'Biharis'. He starts the jokes with, "There was once a Bihari..." And suddenly he gets a major blow on his back from one of the sardarjis who shouts, "Kyon be! Sab sardar mar gaye hai kya?"

Another post on forgiving!!!

Forgiving or punishing the terrorists is left to God.
But, fixing their appointment with God is our responsibility
- Indian Army

Forgiving or punishing the Developer is left to Manager.
But, fixing their appointment with Manager is our responsibility
- Software Tester

This one is damn good..

Forgiving or punishing the Manager is left to Client.
But, fixing their appointment with Client is our responsibility
- Software Developer